


Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year

by postapocalyptic_cryptic



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: ADHD Jonathan Sims, Angst, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, F/M, Gen, Georgie Barker Is Amazing, Internal Monologue, Jon is very smart, Jonathan Sims Has ADHD, Neurodiversity, Pre-Canon, Self-Hatred, but he is also dumb, i want to be like half the works in this tag, spoiler alert: you can't "try" your way out of a mental illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postapocalyptic_cryptic/pseuds/postapocalyptic_cryptic
Summary: Jonathan Sims does not deserve pity. Not his own, and certainly not anyone else's. He knows this, because what is happening to him now, what has been happening to him his whole life, is the result of some mistake of his, he just can't figure out what.Alternatively Titled: A Deeply Annoying Child(Title from the Fall Out Boy Song of the same name)
Relationships: Georgie Barker & Jonathan Sims, Georgie Barker/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 34
Kudos: 240





	1. The Kids You Used to Love (But Then We Grew Old)

Since he was old enough to have cognizant thoughts, Jon has always been his own worst enemy. His mind has never been his to control, rambling and disorganized and filled with compulsions and glitches and awful dark things that, try as he might, he can’t control. From a very young age, he learned that what he thought was the right thing to say was usually wrong, and the best way to avoid humiliation was to just not engage in the first place. 

Jon remembers being six years old and realizing for the first time that people were just stupid. They were dumb and they did things that defied explaination and they couldn’t seem to reach the same conclusions Jon did even when given twice as much time and half the distraction. That was the same day he learned that you are not allowed to call your classmates stupid, and that the fact that you are speaking the truth will not help your case one bit. In fact, it might make the teacher send you to the corner. 

That same day, Jon learned two other things, one being that disapproval from a trusted authority figure burns with the same vigor as hydrogen peroxide on an open wound. Rejection feels like getting kicked in the stomach over and over again and the only way to deal with that, when you are six years old, is to hit your palms against your head and scream and cry. The last thing he learned on that fateful day was that six year olds do not throw temper tantrums, especially not over silly things like time-outs. Jon just needs to be more mature and understand that his actions have consequences, that’s all. Nothing a little call home to Grandma won’t fix. 

Everything’s fine, Jon, stop being so dramatic. 

* * *

  
  


Things only got worse from there. Little slip-ups that had been acceptable in a child were no longer acceptable in a teenager well on his way to graduating high school. Jon’s life was slipping out of his grasp, and he hadn’t the slightest clue how to fix it. He knew there must be a way. It had to be something he was doing wrong, there was no other explanation for the _nature_ of the things he was messing up. It wasn’t like he was hallucinating or threatening to hurt people or anything like that, he was just not growing up. In fact, it felt like he was growing _down._

It was like this: Jon was forgetful. He got most of his homework in on time, albeit with the help of a ridiculously detailed day planner, but little things kept slipping away from him. If he didn’t write a task down right away, it was gone. He flaked on plans. He ran out of time. He forgot his lunch at home and didn’t call people back and left his coffee cups _everywhere._

Sometimes, it was worse. The memory problems seemed to get all caught up with the weird fixations he had, or the hazy times where nothing seemed to come into focus in his mind for days at a time, and create something… bad. 

The only way to describe what would happen then was to imagine a dream, the kind where you look at something, and it’s there, you’re _sure_ of it, but then you turn around and it’s gone, or replaced with something else, but the disappearing things are due dates and days of the week and names and faces and _everything._ The world seemed to melt around him. Weeks passed without meaning and days got criss-crossed in his mind. Once, when it was particularly bad, he woke up with the distinct feeling that it was tomorrow. Another time, he wrote a date from five years prior on the top of his paper. 

He tried to describe it to his grandmother, but she thought he was having a psychotic break and he had to abort the conversation because he wasn’t imagining things. Everything was there, and everything was as it should be, but it was all so confusing and tangled up. He just had to try harder. It would get better if he tried harder. 

* * *

  
  


College was a blissful relief of new people and big spaces and anonymity. For a few months, there was none of the frantic claustrophobia that came with seeing the safe fifty faces every day for twelve years. Jon had a chance to remake himself, to shed the old bad habits that had haunted his high school career. He was _smart,_ he knew that, he just had to apply himself. And apply himself he did.

In December of his freshman year he discovered Ancient Greek literature. Something about the aesthetics of the art on the covers, the simplicity of the words and stories within, it captivated him. He came home from his Introduction to Modern Literature lecture with a bag full of water-stained books and a buzzing in his head that screamed for more.

Before that night, Jon had never really thought twice about the _Iliad._ Then, in six hours, he read the whole thing. Then he read the _Odyssey._ Then, it occurred to him that maybe the books were so simple because he wasn’t reading them in their original language. Maybe a lot of the meaning had been lost in translation over the years. If so, the only way to truly understand the symbolism behind them was to read them in their original tongue. The logical conclusion of all this was to learn Ancient Greek, something he related to Georgie in a frantic eleven pm phone call that he can’t remember her talking a lot in, actually. That was okay, because just hearing her voice and knowing she was listening was enough for now. Then she came over. 

Georgie walked in the door and Jon was sitting on the floor of his dorm (thank goodness his roommate was out, this would have been hard to explain) rocking back and forth as he completed another level of a language game he’d found on his phone. She was worried. He could see it in the cautious way she sat down next to him and put a hand on his trembling arm. 

“Jon, did you go to any of your classes today?”

He had. He really had gone to his other two classes, but he’d had to read under the desk the whole time. Right now, things that weren’t Greek literature were mind-numbingly boring, and he knew he didn’t have the willpower to make himself focus them. He’d tried many times before. Not with Greek literature, of course, but with other things.

This was not Jon’s first rodeo, he explained to Georgie, slumping against her as a bit of the mania faded. Being reminded of what he was doing sometimes broke him out of these hazes, but it left him tired and shaky and realizing how many things he’d neglected to do in the hours or days since he’d become entranced. This was pretty run-of-the-mill for him. It wasn’t usually this bad, but it was always something. And if it wasn’t something, it was this sad nothingness that left him wondering if everything he’d ever been interested in was a lie and he was taking his life in the completely wrong direction. That was why he was going into research, he told her. Because if he didn’t have a new problem every few weeks he’d lose his mind. He’d quit and never be able to pick anything up again. 

Georgie listened to him and nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Then, she asked him if he’d like to tell her about Ancient Greek literature, because he could if he wanted to. Of course he wanted to. So he did, and Georgie listened, that night and many nights after. She would get bored, though, one day. She would get irritated or impatient or realize that this was nothing to pity him for, that he could get over this whole thing if he just _tried a little bit harder,_ and there would be nothing he could do. He’s starting to think that maybe these little “quirks” are all the same thing, and he might just be stuck like this. Forever a failure, unfulfilled and underwhelming. 


	2. Show You the Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Georgie sighs. “It’s just an idea, Jon. It doesn’t have to be right, but it’s a start. And, you know what? Some people have ADHD. And that’s okay. That’s fine. It happens. I just think that whatever you’re fighting against is going to get to be too much for you one day, and I never want to see that happen to you.”

“Jon, you need to calm down, okay?”

“I’m  _ trying,  _ Georgie. Leave me alone, alright?” Jon drags his hands over his face, equal parts thankful and disappointed that he always keeps his nails short. On one hand, he kept them so blunt specifically so he didn’t scratch himself at times like this. On the other hand, there was a persistent itch all across his face that fingertips alone couldn’t quite reach. “I just…” He breaks off into a sigh. He doesn’t know what he was going to say, anyway. There are no words to describe what’s going on in his head right now. 

“ _ Jon.  _ Listen to me.” Georgie takes him by the shoulders and turns him to face her. They’re on the floor in the living room, sitting amidst the mess of papers and books and half-empty mugs. “There is no way you’re getting this paper done if you keep freaking out.” 

“I’m fucking  _ trying,  _ Georgie, it’s not that easy!” Jon has been working on his final paper for Journalism and the Internet for 22 hours and counting. He has had the assignment for three months. It’s due in four hours. Jon is sick and tired of this happening to him and he’s pretty sure he’s dying. “If I had just…”

“Hey. Stop it.” Georgie is getting angry at him now. He’s crying, he knows that, and he also knows that, at age 21, he shouldn’t be crying over a piece of fucking homework, but he can’t stop. His chest hurts. “You need to stop doing that. Stop focusing on what you could have done. We’ll worry about that after you’ve passed this class. Right now, you need to calm the fuck down and tell me what you need so I can help you.” She’s shaking him by the shoulders, and he thinks she might be trying to break him out of some stupor. He’s not in a stupor, though, and she can’t snap him out of it. Jon is not a good “fixer-upper” boyfriend. 

He needs her to leave. He needs to get these thoughts out of his head and on paper before they disappear and deep breaths will not help him. This is his own mess, and he will clean it up just like he has a thousand times before. He just needs some peace and fucking  _ quiet.  _ “Georgie, just  _ leave me alone,  _ for the love of God!”

Oops.

He didn’t mean to yell.

Georgie stands abruptly, scattering papers around her. “You know what, Jon? Fine. You’re an adult, I’m not your babysitter. Have fun crying on your textbook for the next four hours.” She turns on her heel and storms out the door, slamming it behind her.

“Georgie, wait- fuck. Shit.” He drops his head into his hands. “I’m sorry.”

He opens his laptop and keeps typing, because what else is he supposed to do?

* * *

  
  


Jon gets the assignment in on time, but only just, and it’s not very good. When he finally clicks submit and closes the dozen tabs he’d had open, it’s midnight and Georgie is still not home. He had gotten a text from her three hours ago that simply read, “Staying at Kylie-Ann’s.” He hadn’t replied. He didn’t have anything to say.

The thing was, it wasn’t even that bad of an argument. There had been some tension and then he’d snapped and she’d snapped back and that was it. But he knew that wasn’t it. This was just another little battle in what was becoming the larger war of their relationship. He didn’t want to go as far as to think that they were over, because he still loved Georgie very much and knew that she felt the same way, but something had to give. 

Jon was 21, and he was still being chased by the same shadow that had followed him since childhood. Jon was 21, and he was getting tired. 

He closed his laptop and curled up on the couch to try and get some sleep.

* * *

  
  


He is awoken by bright light and shuffling noises and a heavy, glossy pamphlet being tossed in his face. 

“Read.” Georgie is standing over him, still dressed in yesterday’s clothes and looking tired, but no longer angry. Instead, she was watching him with something like curiosity-tinged amusement. He sat up.

“Look, Georgie, I’m sor-”

“Jonathan Sims, if you apologize to me  _ again  _ instead of reading that packet, so help me God, I will start smacking you with it.”

“Okay. Okay, I’m reading.” He lays it on his lap and starts to read as Georgie moves to the bedroom and presumably gets changed. The front of the thing reads, “A Guide to Adult ADHD: Learning, Diagnosis, and Dealing.” 

_ Oh.  _

* * *

_ Impulsiveness: Adults with ADHD will frequently display lack of judgement or thorough consideration before acting.  _

“Jon, we’ve talked about this. I need you to think things through before you do them. You’re a big boy now, and you’re going to have big boy responsibilities.” His grandmother picks the last of the gravel out of his knee and begins to wipe the scrape down with an alcohol pad. “What were you thinking?”

He winces at the cold sting of the alcohol. “I just saw a cool stream and I wanted to know if anything fun was down there. I didn’t see the pothole.” 

* * *

  
  


_ Trouble Multitasking: Adults with ADHD may find it more difficult than others to focus on more than one task at a time, and may focus on one task to the exclusion of all others for periods of time.  _

“Please be quiet for a moment, Georgie.” He shoes her away from his desk and she gives him an indignant look. He understands that he’s being rude, but something about her being so close to him while he’s trying to work makes his skin crawl right now. 

“Okay, fine, if you want to be that way, then be that way.” She stalks off. Yes, he does want to be that way, and he would very much like it if people stopped trying to carry on conversations with him while he is clearly engrossed in something else.

* * *

_ Low Frustration Tolerance: Adults with ADHD may find it hard to cope with even minor inconveniences, causing them to seemingly overreact to unexpected things. _

The page will not load. He needs this page to load. He has tried six different ways to get this page to load and it won’t and he’s getting that tight feeling in his chest that means he’s about to explode again. He tries to readjust his sitting position and his pants snag on his chair. The computer gives him another error message. He misclicks and is redirected to an old bookmark.

He just manages to get the computer out of his lap before he launches to his feet. “Fuck! Fuck this, I can’t do this right now. Shit!” His grandmother is out and he’s alone in the house, so he feels no shame when he kicks the floor and throws his pillow and screams and sinks to the floor crying.

* * *

_ Oh.  _

Jon is still reading the pamphlet when Georgie comes back in and sits on the couch next to him.

“So?” she asks. 

“So… what?” He knows what. He knows she’s figured out in two years what he couldn’t in twenty one. But there’s a part of him that won’t believe it, the same part of him that won’t stop reminding him that this is all his fault. He thinks he might be starting to trust Georgie more than that part, though.

“So what do you think? Do you think it’s worth going to the psychiatrist?” She puts a hand on his shoulder and starts rubbing circles with her thumb. “I know it’s a lot, and it might not be right, but it’s hard for me to watch you struggle like this. I don’t want you to have to deal with whatever is going on with you on your own.”

“Georgie, I don’t think…” He doesn’t know how to put this into words. It feels too big. It feels like the world is inverting around him and maybe he wasn’t making things up after all. “I just don’t know how this can be… true.”

She sighs. “It’s just an idea, Jon. It doesn’t have to be right, but it’s a start. And, you know what? Some people have ADHD. And that’s okay. That’s fine. It happens. I just think that whatever you’re fighting against is going to get to be too much for you one day, and I never want to see that happen to you.”

He’s quiet for a long moment. This is… a lot. A lot at once for Jon, who tends to think he’s overreacting when it comes to problems in his own head. Then he remembers something Georgie told him to try once. She called it “flipping the script.” What if Jon was in Georgie’s shoes, watching the woman he loves suffer through something that was not only hurting her, but the people around her and her relationships with people she loves? What if he was watching Georgie struggle and he thought he might have the answer? He didn’t have to ask himself, not really. They’d been there already, when Georgie’s depression came back with a vengeance last year. Georgie hadn’t had the energy to do much in the way of anything, so it was up to Jon to recognize the problem and do something about it. Georgie had trusted him then, so he could trust her now.

“I… I think you’re right. I think you might be onto something. I’ll call Student Services tomorrow and ask about getting an appointment.” 

Georgie smiles at him and it feels like Jon’s just walked over some threshold. She hugs him, pulling him close and resting her chin on top of his head. “I’m so proud of you, you big dummy. I love you.”

Jon smiles and hugs her back. “I love you too. Thank you for being patient with me.”

She pulls back and kisses him quickly. “Always, Jon. Always.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it. Unfortunately for Jon, this isn't the end. Knowing him, he's going to take a long time to come to terms with this, even when he gets diagnosed. He'll get there, though, and life will get easier.  
> Temporarily.
> 
> I took the symptoms I used for Jon from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adult-adhd/symptoms-causes/syc-20350878 and wrote descriptions of them myself. In other words, the symptoms are the Mayo Clinic's, the words are mine.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah I think I'm going to write a second chapter to this. Lmk if you guys would want a part two, and if so, would more Jon/Georgie please the masses?


End file.
